did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
