wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
