Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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