The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
