Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
