The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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