Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i think i have two assholes
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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