Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want her autograph on my taint
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
