You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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