the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
babies were throwing up all over the place
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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