That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
