wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
