True but thats because hes a fetus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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