he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
