yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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