a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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