So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
