Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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