Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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