mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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