thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
