i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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