Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
