Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
