new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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