i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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