um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
