My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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