Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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