and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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