we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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