Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
