There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
