My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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