as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
