YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
