Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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