Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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