why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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