my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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