Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
