Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
