He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
