never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
