so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
