I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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