I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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