I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
