our cab driver is having phone sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize