Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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