Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
