Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
