i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
