this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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