i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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