so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
