i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
