at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
