I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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