so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
