I think scott just propositioned me for sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
