Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
