one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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