hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
