I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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