dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
