To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
