I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
