I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
