there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
