i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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