Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
