Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
