It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
