Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize