We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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