remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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