that's an acceptable place to lick
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
