Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
