omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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