glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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