My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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