dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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