She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
