I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
