just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
