We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
