i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
